Skin and Bruises

NOTE: On My Instagram Page, I usually do not write anything to go along with any “art” I make. I only do that with the camera photos I take. But with this one it was different.

I have been out of synch with routinely doing my Creative Works.

Back in March, with the Quarantine announced. I did not get any time off from my job becuase I work for what is deemed to be an “essential business.” (And I am not going to say which one. But it is not health care related) The work flow at the job dropped considerably. (But given things now. I have a job).

Time on daily basis became more of an abstract for me. So plenty of time. Right?

I bought Extra Art Supplies to fill the time since pretty much everything else was shut down. I was going to experiment with new ideas of working with my own personal artistic work

.What happened?

Nothing.

I somehow hit the Middle Button. And I did it to myself.

As Daily Life became ever changing moment on what the answers were and the actions need to get through this time. And being an Election Year the Volume on Everything got Amped Up. Vasts amounts of Noise.

With the Powers That Are changing where the finish line is and extended the tunnel as not to be able to see the light of the virus. I call the “Abbey Normal”.

I needed to Escape All of It. But I did not. To keep myself amused during the Slow Work Day. As I work in a now Socially Distant work space. Approximately, 100K square feet to myself for the day. I got addicted to Facebook postings. And For Better (Most likely Worse) Facebook just became a way to keep my brain firing with something.

So My Art Time suffered because I let myself get caught up with too much noise about a situation that I can do very little to fix.

There were many days I just stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I would take the crayons make a few passes on the paper. Stare back at that piece of paper. And Just Crumple It Up. My Free Throw Game at the Recycle Bin did not improve. But I was making more attempts. At least in Throws.

Finally, got One Art Piece to work out for me.

Because as a now work and create on my own. (For the most part) The problem was (and still is) that I am judging My Work before it is ever finished. I have to remind myself that the Process > Product. Now, More than ever.

I Am Stuck With Myself. And I had Better Make Peace with that.

I have to Stop Myself from Getting Caught Up with the notions of What is Quantity and What is Quality with my Creative Self. Because it makes me sound like a politician. That’s the last person I need!

It is hard to believe that I spent this much time away from doing my work with this blog. The 2 week Quarantine is now over 6 months long. The Quarantine seems to be a Hodge Podge of Abrttary Rules and Fragments of Information. I will leave at this.

“Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens” – Jimi Hendrix

I learned the lesson that I have to put my own “oxygen mask” on myself first. And I did not do such a good job with that for the last few months. I was and I am still writing on an almost daily method. I have lots of ideas on several notepads. However, my daily structure of work also got infected by Hodge Podge Methods. The lesson is that ideas without a specific way measure to measure them is not a course that inspires Action. In order to spark my own momentum I have to reestablish my own Specific Routines.

I do have a lot to say and write as I review my notepads.

I am in the process of reconfiguring them into more manageable form. Even if the environment and society around me seems far off course in trying to do that. And the 2020 Election Noise is not helping. So why look for it to help even?

I just want you to know. I am here. I am working. Again.

There is the song “Blown Wide Open” by Big Wreck has become my current theme song. And for meditation in these days.

(Or least in my view something that perceived to be art.)

The following post is an idea I had last year. And I did not like how it was coming together. I put it aside. It got lost in my files of notes.

Researching items and services on the Net. A lot of noise is readily available. Customer Reviews are pretty much hack and cliché writing. Along with being divided. It is the greatest thing (5 stars) or it pretty much sucks (1 star). Does anyone know the concept of “Ebbs and flows”? There is the compromise of the “middle ground”. Nothing is perfect. But some parts do function. There is the concept of Wabi-Sabi. The Japanese atheistic view that the world is “imperfect”. And yet still is able in some way to be functional.

It seems to be a “broken world”. But there is a chance for repair. The Japanese concept of Kintsugi (“golden repair). They would take broken pottery and fill the cracks with gold, silver or platinum. it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. This what history is. It is the Good. It is the Bad. And trying to amp up one side and deny the existence of either. It is a Fool’s Game.

It is these concepts that lead me to try something different for my

Instagram Art Project.

Searching my book shelves trying to find a certain title. Came across the book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff” by Richard Carlson (1997). I forgot I even had it. And I don’t even remember how I came to have it either. So, over the next few mornings I would skip around and through the various chapters. Chapter 53 really stuck with me that I kept rereading.

This mug was on a shelf. I colored out the organization’s name because what I want to do here is not meant to be a slight to them. The place I got this one from has been part of me for close to 40 years.

I get a mug from them almost every year. Plus, out of them. This one had the color I wanted to use. So, I whacked it with a hammer. And then I set about trying to reassemble it back together. I wanted make a reminder for myself. That things and people have their time and place. But time is going to change two things. It is what time is good at doing.

And at a consistent rate on top of it. History. Good. And Bad.

Ending up “Humpty Dumpty-ing” it.

Less than 30 seconds to make the pieces. And about two weeks to glue as many of them that I could glue back together again.

The pieces would not go back perfectly. Even after trying to grind a few to get them to fit.

A lesson in Unintended Consequences. My original plan vs what happened. Along with me lower quality of mathematical abilities. My “calculations” were very “off”. My imagination for how this was supposed to go vs. the reality of my best of intentions.

Gorilla Glue is a messy “medium” to work with. It does have strength. It does bond. But it is inconsistent and imperfect in doing so. A bit of Wabi-Sabi came to play. In the end, I couldn’t fit all the pieces. Had to surrender the effort. Maybe the empty spaces are those things that need to forgotten. Or maybe it is for the idea to clear space for new things to fit.

The Mug with all of its imperfections is back on the shelf. The place and the organization are still going to be there for me. It is what is was. But time is changing what it is in the moment. That is the cycle. I know my view may not be completely shared by those who were and are there now.

Everyone, got their own “Mug”. But everyone views and interacts with it with their own internal process.

Good. Bad. Complete. Incomplete.

History.

Imperfect.

Yet still functioning.

Still evolving.

With and against time.

As it always will. And none of us are the Center of the Universe.

It has been a very long time since I posted. The last few months, I have many setbacks and other issues. And being a “party of one” I was strectched to almost have a full force meltdown. I had plans and I had goals.

I fell short but with a solid landing on my face. Metaphorically.

Plus, I hate this time of year when everyone seems to be publishing there Year in Review Top 10 picks. They just remind me of how much I seem to be behind and off course.

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress”

– Frederick Douglass

I know everyone starts a new year off with a bunch of resolutions. There is a lot of energy for them. But it is very easy to slip on a clean slate because there is no real traction to start. So I am taking a slower and steadier pace for myself this year when it comes to make such personal proclamations for myself. It is more of a process of getting back in touch and in tume with my Creative Nature.

So I am researching my own experiences and trying to see what is out there that can help me.

This are a few things I have found. So far. But I have to be cautious of how far I go into the rabbit hole that I created here.

The Accidental Creative podcast episode that has Four Questions to start with. (And there is a downloadable worksheet available)

Tim Ferriss recommends you do a personal review of yourself instead of resolutions

Gretchin Rubin has Six Questions to Ask and 13 Tips for Keeping Resolutions

So I am working myself through all of these and more. And I have to keep an ongoing reminder to myself on the Value of Process. And this is on my wall at home.

And with all of these a very important point to keep for myself also.

And I also have a daily habit of rereading a passage from an Austin Kleon book or a Ryan Holiday book.

Plus, as I was assembling my thoughts for this post on my notepad I remembered this story of the late Gene Roddenberry

There are two movies that I re-watched over the last week.

Fight Club because it is about a man at odds with the framework of modern society.

And Almost Famous about a young man trying to find his own voice within the noise of those around them. And this scene still holds for me after all the years.

Somehow, I find myself in this moment somewhere in between those two fictional worlds.

Don’t lie about it. You made a mistake. Admit it and move on. Just don’t do it again. Ever.

                                    Anthony Bourdain.

I let myself get out of daily habit the last couple of months. Especially, with writing to keep this block fresh. I did not make time for the Process. And I let myself listen to bad feedback on my product. I tried to make better plans. And encountered other “hiccups” to happen. So, I have been a bit more “angry and frustrated.” I took this week off from work to catch up on the outdoor housework before the chill sets in. But it has rained every day. The Internet went down at my house but I can’t get a time to fix it until I see what the next week work schedule is. I have been going to the library everyday to use their wi-fi to work with my laptop. I do not like working around people because I have a habit of pacing about when I have Writer’s Block. At the library, I have to sit in place to do the work. A habit that is hard for me to do.

But the Work must get done.

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

                                    Blaise Pascal.

I found this quote, in the latest book from Ryan Holiday titled Stillness is the Key. And right now, it is the reading I need to do. If only for myself. I don’t know anyone in my life at this moment that is able to or willing to talk about the ideas of Stoic Thinking. When I cannot find the conversation, I can find the book. I also have become quite aware lately of people who will not expend one ounce of energy on a thought outside of their own view. And I do not want to go into politics. It is all Noise Over any substance. It is all theater disguised as action. I recommend watching the Marx’s Brothers’ movie Duck Soup. It still works as satire within regards to our current climate.

Another book that arrived from me last week was Creative Calling by Chase Jarvis. I need to take more from the tips and clues of those people like him who are doing the Work. Lecturers and those who just bang on their podium are never going to be people that will make any notable change.

I also recognized I need to work on myself and for myself. Especially, with my own skill sets. As James Altucher says, Choose Yourself. I bought myself the Creative Pass on CreativeLIve.com.

And once again, over and over I have to remind myself to …Just Do the Work.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are

                                    Theodore Roosevelt

I have also been reading again the short stories by Ray Bradbury. Many of the stories are about people overcoming dire circumstances. He reminds the reader that mistakes will be made on our journey into the future. And yet we will arrive at that point.

I need to get back into a thought process that is more forward thinking than reactive to the moment.

More Mystery.

Less History. 

Do the Work.

P.S. I have to admit to my shortcomings and what is beyond my current skill set.

I have another website that is in need of reworking but I have no skill at web design. Even with What You See is What You Get Website Editors.

I am looking for help.

“Sometimes I go out and hear people talk about irrelevant things and then I tell myself this is why I don’t go out” – Keanu Reeves

“You’ll never stumble upon the unexpected if you only stick to the familiar”

• Ed Catmull (author of Creativity, Inc.)

A few podcasts to recommend

Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank #360: The Cacophony Society (with Chuck Palahniuk)

Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank #360: The Cacophony Society (with Chuck Palahniuk)

Chuck’s mind and his tales are fascinating to listen to.

And speaking of fascinating minds. I am currently reading “Raised in Captivity” by Chuck Klosterman

https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/artists-way-julia-cameron/

Behind The Artist’s Way | Julia Cameron

I am still working through her book The Artist’s Way

https://www.goodlifeproject.com/podcast/austin-kleon/

Life on Creativity | Austin Kleon

His books I use as reminders to keep going with my creative work

Another habit I am trying to use with more frequency in my life is music. I am trying to avoid as much as possible news outlets. It does not matter which political side you are on. They are all noise without any pragmatic actionable desire. Because if you turn them off, they lose advertisement revenue. And you being “incited” keeps you watching.

Plus, the Human Soul was not designed to debate politics 24/7.

Sound bites and clichés are not deep thoughts.

So, I have been trying to add more times of music. And I am trying to explore different artists. I like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, AC/DC, Rush, Metallica, Queen, Nirvana but the local radio stations only play the same 3-4 songs by them. And repeat. Over and over.

My message to radio programmers. Get some backbone.

I recently watched Wacken(it was streaming on Amazon Prime) about the yearly German heavy metal festival. I have also been doing a search for heavy metal bands from different countries and cultures. I am very curious how the music is interpreted.

And they have a streaming music site  https://www.wackenradio.com/

I just wish the wi-fi at work was more consistent.

I try to avoid listening to any talk radio/ news while I am commuting to work in the morning. One of the local college radio stations seem to have finally invested in a stronger signal. https://wbny.buffalostate.edu/

I am not trying to go back and relive the youth of my college days. And listen to what is known as Alternative Music. (Which is one the most generic descriptions for music) It is because they are playing music without constant chatter and it is different from the other corporate music stations. When I was a teenager at the time there was a weekly 3-4-hour heavy metal show on this station. And that where I heard for the first time Metallica, Anthrax, Megadeth, Slayer, Metal Church, Fates Warning etc. But once college music aka alternative music went mainstream then the heavy metal got pushed out.

Speaking of alternative music. I was joking with a friend and I made a reply/joke referring to the song “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?” by R.E.M. It is a song that was influenced by the October 1986 attack on news reporter Dan Rather in which he was attacked by a stranger who kept yelling at him “Kenneth, what is the frequency?” R.E.M.’s singer Michael Stipe said, “It was the premier unsolved American surrealist act of the 20^th century. It is a misunderstanding that was scarily random, media-hyped and just plain bizarre”

This case would not be solved until 1997.

But this song and the references sent me into Rabbit Hole of web searches. It just got me into doing some research and making notes. And I have way too many links about it to share. I am not sure what the story is in all of it. I have to write every day and whatever gets that muscle going. So be it. I cannot edit and shape a series of blank notepad pages.

And I have been having a return to watching The X-Files, The Twilight Zone and The Alfred Hitchcock Show. (And have yet to go into Black Mirror) I am not interested in trying to figure out “conspiracy” rather I am more intrigued by “mystery” in the life that surrounds this world. And this is another reason why I feel at odds with the state of politics in this country. Because to both sides it is all “conspiracy at the hands of the other side.”

But for me.

I just have to continue on with my curiosities, explorations, inquiries and creative outputs.

So I need to remind myself.

Over and Over Again.

It is always something. And this blog had to be put to the side for a little bit. It was also a lesson/reminder to make time to Do the Work. I was keeping up with my notebooks. But not really assembling any of those notes into some actual “product”.

I found this quote.

“Life is trying things to see if they work.” – Ray Bradbury

There were and still are some challenges in my life that I need to deal with. I will spare the details. But there is no way to use any form of technology without swearing at it.

I keep going back to read sections of the book The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. It is good to have a personal library in my reach.

And it brings yet another Ray Bradbury quote.

“A college cannot educate you; a library can educate you. You go to a library to find yourself. You pull the books off the shelves, you open them, and you see yourself there. And you say, “I’ll be goddamned, there I am.”

The part of summer I like is being able to sit in the yard and feel the grass on my bare feet.

I was trying to read Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman and for reasons I can’t understand. I kept getting interrupted. I mean more the usual amount. So I will be going back at this book at a later time. I do like my mythological tales when it comes to reading. And with my movie watching. But there comes a time when I have to draw from the experiences of others. And find a book for that.

So, I went through my shelves and pulled out D-Day June 6,1944: The Climatic Battle of World War II by Stephen Ambrose. I am not comparing my present-day challenges to those actual men who landed at the shores of Normandy. The book for me is about ordinary people taking on an extraordinary situation. How they took on challenges that time where there was no guarantee of success. It is the story about how all the planning that went into that day was altered quickly once the gunfire started. How the Allied Forces were able “to face and surpass” the challenges. I wish History was taught like this in terms of a narrative. And as something to learn from. It was a lot more than just date in time.

And I am now on to reading the new Chuck Klosterman book Raised in Captivity: Fictional Nonfiction. His writing always seems to make my brain work in a new way. And that is a challenge I need to take for myself.

When dealing with “obstacles” I need to return to the books and writers that make me think. And spark my imaginations. And to stay away from the reading sources that are nothing but rhetoric and cliche. They are just “static noise”.

I was thinking about a song to link to for an ending here. And I started to think about the differences and similarities of “mythological heroes” and “ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances”. I came up with two titles.

John Williams, The Superman Theme

Emerson, Lake and Palmer, Fanfare for the Common Man

I am not sure who said this quote first. “If you want to make God Laugh, then tell him your plans.” And I sure do have Him “bellyaching”.

And it was not my Intention to go over a month without posting. Things happened. Details will be spared.

Before I get into this post. I am going to share and two unexpected finds that I have had repeated listening of. 

Humble the Poet on the James Altucher podcast. I had never heard of this guest so I went into without knowledge or expectation. His book “Unlearned” is refreshing voice to get into. For me it is similar in ways to the book “The Daily Stoic: 366 Daily Meditiations for Clarity, Effectiveness, and Serenity” by Ryan Holiday. (It is an almost daily read for me.)

WWE wrestler Becky Lynch on Brian Koppleman’s The Moment podcast. I am not a regular watcher of wrestling anymore. But the story told here of her journey is something that should be heard. And why you should be Authentic to Yourself.

I am starting looking at elements of my daily surroundings. And seeing if I can reduce them in some way to their basic elements. I kept breaking them down to water and oxygen.

I am going to start with water. Or being in the realm of my own Creative Flow State.

This quote from Bruce Lee is becoming an almost daily mantra for me.

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water.When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot.          Water can drip and it can crash.

Become like water my friend.”

The parts of the speech from the late David Foster Wallace used in the video This is Water.

Writer Neil Gaiman’s Commencement speech.

For me it is all about rediscovering that Flow of Energy that puts me closer into a Better State of Action to do My Creative Work.

Another Note. 2 Books I am Reading and Rereading for: My Own Process.

An Audience of One: Reclaiming Creativity for Its Own Sake by Srinivas Rao with Robin Dellabough

Start with Why by Simon Sinek

The other element is Oxygen. I have read this idea or decree from many sources. “If you don’t put on your own oxygen mask first, then you can’t help anyone else.”

Humble the Poet reminds us Putting Yourself First is Not Selfish

I have been looking at my existence in various of life’s situations. And I wonder if my presence there is giving me oxygen. In other words, are my creative efforts being seen. And what I can do. Is that able to give oxygen to others?

I ask myself, “Am I only showing up there, just to be seen? And not really heard.” Why waste the “oxygen”? It is not personal for me anymore but more of an act of energy conservation. Not to mention the cost of gas for my truck.

It is coming down to this for me now. I need to be Present First with Myself.

Am I going to have Oxygen there?

And does it Keep My Flow State in Motion?

Closing music that comes to mind as I close up this post. Usually I can only think of one song. But this is what came flowing out of my audio spicket.

Disconnect –The Rollins Band

Merchandise – Fugazi

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath – Black Sabbath

I don’t write immediate reviews of the books, movies, music and whatever else personally. I am a bit envious of the people who can. And have to ask how they avoid the constant interruptions of people when you do try to be more “expedient”? The real reason is I think my thoughts need more time to digest for myself. And I am going to delude myself into thinking that all my ideas are the result of my own notion of “genius thinking”. (MEMO – Stay away as much as possible from people who do think they are “genius”.)

I also wonder how after a TV Show or Movie is shown for the first time that people can post explanations of the show and show all the hidden “Easter eggs” within hour of seeing it.

I did not see John Wick when it first came out. I looked at the title and I was a bit underwhelmed with it. I had no expectations other that this will probably go to the DVD bargain bin pretty quickly. AND I WAS SO WRONG. I just saw Part 3. And all I have to say for now that there is still a strong story to tell around this character. I can’t wait for Part 4. Which is something you never hear around a movie trilogy. I still don’t know how they pump out movies in The Fast and the Furious franchise. I only saw the first one last year because I wanted to see what I may have missed with all the hype. As a starting point for a franchise, I do not know how they continued from there. But they seemed to have found a way. Good for them. It is just not my thing.

Enjoy movies but beware of going in expectations.

Speaking of expectations. Two fan bases that have a bitter love/hate relation with the art they are always consuming. Metallica and Game of Thrones fans. (And let’s not even get into with the Star Wars crowd.)

Please remember Game of Thrones was not the first to give a WTF ending.

And here they both are in one mash-up video.

The Sopranos did one of the best endings ever to a show. I remember watching a friend at the time watching and then blowing close to aneurysm over it. How could they do this to him? Someone should have been whacked at that moment. That was his expectation.

However, now more than ever we live in the era of Keyboard Crusaders who have opinions over everything. And are pretty much for the most part unhappy about almost everything.

I have noticed more often than not the people who are Hyper-Critical on most things are the last people who are willing to actually do any effort to make the change. I use to try to brainstorm ideas with other people. All I used to get was a reply that “I was not making any sense.” That might be true. But THEN they would tell me what I should be writing and how. So instead of me being a writer I was so supposed their secretary. I am not saying I always right with my ideas. In fact, whenever I write something about 40-60% of them never survive past my brainstorming or I have to edit them into something else. But as I listened to their ideas which they felt so High About, all I could think was that they were not very good. And going in a different direction that was not very useful or helpful. The Lesson: I Had To Protect My Time and Space. And Be Careful to Where and With Whom Get My Energy.

Maybe Burger King ruined people by saying, “You Can Have It Your Way”. But as I get older, I begin to be more sympathetic with Michael Douglass in Falling Downwho was also have the same existential crisis over the burger. But I did work in retail and I know customers intend to be a self-absorbed idiots.

As for the final season of Game of Thrones, I think I will have to go back and re-watch the season. It is a matter once again of stepping back and digesting my own thoughts and opinions. I will admit that it seemed different. I did read the books but after Season 5 the show had to be done with no actually source material from the books. And writing for a book and writing for TV/Movies is actually different.

This was so far the better explanation of the last season in terms of writing.

https://www.wired.com/story/game-of-thrones-plotters-vs-pantsers/

The other problem I have with a lot of criticism is there is at times too much of Mob Mentality. It is either Too Much Praise or Too Much Virtual. And I don’t even want to get into The Team Blood Sport when people mix in their political slants into the criticism on an art form. Because most of the time reading them when that happens, all I can say is “Really?” The effort of the artists regardless of the medium really has nothing to do with you.

Funny, I keep getting back to Theodore Roosevelt’s “Man in the Arena” Speech. Could you imagine him delivering the same message today to the Keyboard Crusaders? I so wish he could.

And I was researching I came into this quote.

“Expectation is the root of all evil”

–Shakespeare–

And as I was writing this quote showed up on Instagram Feed.

“It is easy to criticize and break down the spirits of others, but to know yourself takes a lifetime.”

– Bruce Lee-

And with that, I have to go work on the next thing for myself. And the other unexpected inconvienances that are happen at this moment.

I really need to hire an assitant. Or figure how to maybe get an intern for a better cost savings.

Closing Song “Mob Rules” – Black Sabbath (Heaven and Hell Line Up)

Found this quote in the midst of my daily reading.

“Don’t let your struggle become your identity” – (Source unknown)

As I do my daily effort of trying to live a Creative Life, I realize that it will be a puzzle. One that I never fully solve. I just need to show up more for it. Embrace the Conundrum.

I came across a TED Talk on “On Puzzle Hunts”

The next part of the thoughts in my head came from two different people.

“When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn’t have to look outside themselves for approval.”

•                                     Epictetus

 

I am not looking for approval. However, I am looking for engagement. It would be nice to have a conversation that is not just a one-sided one in my own head. But reading social media postings have made me weary that such a conversation is possible. No one seems to be to “give and take”. Many people seem to be “doubling down” on their position.

It would be nice to have some extra eyeballs to look at my process. And sometimes extra hands to help pitch in would be nice. Or someone to split the driving with on a road trip to explore a place unknown.

This goes along with a quote from James Altucher, “Explaining is draining.”

I hate talking with people and the conversation seems more about gossiping. Also, nothing is more draining than to listen to people who are hypercritical of practically everything. They know how it should be done. However, they never show up to help with “the work” aspects. It is what I learned in the book The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Eliminate the Crazymakers as much as possible. (And I have to be honest I had to see the same tendencies within myself. And serve up a slice of “Humble Pie” for myself to chew on. And just continue to be a “Work in Progress”.) I am not going to get on soapbox and say who did what. It is just best to let some distance happen.

 

What goes. Goes. What stays. Stays.

 

But I also need to very much get out of my own Echo Chamber with My own Creatives.

 

 

Some final points that came as I was writing this post.

Mentorless.com (another must read site for myself) posted Art and Money. And I know how much a source of tension these two have with each other.

As I was searching for a photo to use. I came across this Futurama clip. And I want to remind people keep searching when you are curious about something.

 

 

Closing Song: UFO Gettin’ Ready (This week song was about the lyrics)